The Paradox

Each week I lead a vespers service at our church. Originally, the senior pastor had started this, leading this weekly vespers service. There were approximately 8-12 people, including myself but other than the pastor, who joined in this prayer time. Sometimes we’d have 15 or 16 people attend, sometimes only 6 or 7. When the pastor couldn’t be there for whatever reason, he usually called on me to lead the service which I was glad to do. The pastor has since retired from this church and I have taken the lead role.

Since the pastor’s retirement, the “regular” people to join in the vespers service has dwindled down to two others plus myself. Frequently, however, I am there praying alone as the two “regulars” are periodically away on various service oriented projects. While I would certainly love to have more people regularly join me for this prayer time (one that I think is invaluable for both the Church as well as the church), I have found these solo prayer times to be quite marvelous in their own way.

I have four “times” of prayer that I had adhere to fairly consistently each day. These are most often “solo” times although I am often aware that there is “heavenly host” that is also attendant – both angels and the saints who have gone on before me. I am usually conscious of the Holy Spirit’s presence and participation (although this isn’t nearly as much a feeling as it is of an understanding of the scripture’s information about how the Spirit helps us in our prayers). All that to say this: Personal/Solo prayer time is something with which I am quite comfortable and “practiced,” although certainly not perfect.

The point I’m getting to, however, is that it is particularly during those times of weekly vespers/evening prayers at the church that is unique for me, even though what I’m doing, technically, is no different than what I do during my other prayer times. It is especially during vespers – and even more so when I am alone during that time – that I become sharply aware that I am not at all alone as I pray. I become aware of praying with the Church. It’s not just praying in the church or offering prayers and praise to God as probably many Christians are doing at that moment but I become very much aware of being part of something much larger, joining with the Church of the ages and of eternity, joining with that “great cloud of witnesses” spoken of in Hebrews, being aware of them also interceding on my behalf and interceding with me for others and for God’s glory in ways that they now understand far better than they did when they walked this earth, far better than I could possibly grasp, now. I become aware that there are angels who strain to understand the mystery in which I am engaged but cannot fathom but are sent by God as ministering spirits to help me in that moment.

I find it fascinating, this, the paradox – it is in earthly solitude that I discover myself among the heavenly multitude.