Clinging To The Past

Our little community met to decide what to do about the covered bridge that was burned down 3 years ago. (Why did it take this long for this meeting?) It was a very good turn out. But i was disappointed with most of the discussion.

Many people spoke in favor of restoring the bridge to something as close to the original as possible. While covered bridges are very picturesque and romantic - and a great reminder of historical times - they are inherently problematic. While they were suitable for the times in which they were originally built, they ended up having a very limited practical value. Because our area is agricultural, there is lots of farm machinery. The farmers today, for the most part, have not been able to use that bridge because their tractors and wagons are too big - size and weight - for the little covered bridge. The historical groups are quite adamant about "preserving history." Most of the voices represented the desire to preserve history. "We want to have a heritage to pass on to our children," was a frequent refrain.

I'm afraid that we Americans are becoming increasingly obsessed with "holding on" to this, that or the other thing. We try to create and then hold on to "free time." We aim for and cling to our weekends. We won't give up our entertainment. We stockpile "collectibles." We gorge ourselves on trivia. Why?

I believe it is because we're empty. We have no sense of meaning to our lives so we strive to "create" meaning by the things we cling to - history, trivia, collections, etc. And it doesn't work very well. We cling to the things of the past. We cling to the stuff we can hold in our hands now. But we fail to look ahead. We don't see that all the "stuff" we hold on to now ends up being "stuff" we worry about losing. It might break; it might be stolen; it might be forgotten. Our treasures are but dust.

Jesus said, "Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust cannot destroy and theives cannot break in and steal."

O Lord, may my treasure lie only with you in eternity.

How Can I Know?

"I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, In paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them And rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, And I will not leave them undone." (Isaiah 42:16)

The reality is, i can't. What i know is what i believe i know. Everything i think i know has come through filters of various sorts - physical, mental, emotional, perhaps even spiritual. Biological? Circumstancial? Social? Inherited? Practiced? I have no way to objectively evaluate or interpret anything. All i can do is use what i have to make a determination of what i experience.

Truly, I am blind.

Yet the Bible says Jesus gave blind their sight. One man, blind from birth, didn't know anything about Jesus escept that Jesus had given him something he'd never before in his life had - the ability to see his physical surroundings.

God, himself, promises to lead the blind. Will Jesus heal my blindness? Will God lead me despite my blindness? Aside from whatever it is God chooses to do, i have no other hope.

The Pilgrimage...

I've been a "practicing Protestant" for over 30 years. I'd like to say that in that time, i have been a true Christian, a disciple of Jesus Christ, a Christ follower. I'd like to say that. I think i'd prefer someone else say that of me.

For the past 25 years i've been a particpating member of the Brethren in Christ Church; for the past 15 years i've served as a pastor; for past 8, i've been an ordained minister. Now what... In less than a month i'll not be pastoring a congregation or even vocationally involved in ministry. What, then happens to my "ordination?" Beyond that, though, there are things happening within the BIC with which i am tremendously uncomfortable... not the least of which is how ordination is viewed and how many pastors/missionaries are being treated when they leave - at least for a time - "vocational" service. But perhaps even more broadly is the uneasiness i feel with a seemingly "full immersion" into evangelicalism into which the BIC are headed, if not already there.

To add to this, as i read the early Church Fathers, early Church History (pre-Reformation) and the more i read and learn about the doctrines of both Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy, the more uncomfortable i am with the apparent "headlessness" of protestantism and the seemingly intentional lack of connection to the historic Church, especially within evangelical churches. And on yet another hand (this "beast" is becoming far too "handy") i'm very concerned (unhappy? frustrated? angry?) with what corporate worship is supposed to be about and what church plants and 'contemporary' worship services have become (thank you, Willow Creek).

Yet I'm not ready to abandon the BIC - not at all. First of all, i don't know where i'd go. I'm not ready to convert to RC or Orthodox for a variety of reasons for each. Although I'm generally feeling "out of place" within the church, yet there are things within the BIC that i'm excited about and things i think i have to offer (am i just that arrogant?) the BIC particularly as well as evangelicalism, protestantism and the Church more broadly (i must be out of my mind with such haughtiness).

And so i'm going to pursue doctoral work in spiritual development, meet with and "pastor" some people with whom i've grown fairly close, find a local congregation to join and worship with and serve, and engage in ministry & evangelism to Muslims.

How is this going to work? I can't figure it out. Maybe all i can do at this time is whatever the next step is... which is about all i'm doing right now. My wife has been such an encouragement. She has actually encouraged me for about two years to pursue doctoral studies. Others have encouraged me as well, but more along the lines of Muslim ministry within the context of my studies.

Sometimes i think it seems to clear - but most of the time it doesn't seem clear at all. What am i supposed to be doing? What steps should i be preparing for? It's not "my future" i'm so much concerned about as how i can focus my attention best to honor my God. My decisions now have an affect on what happens next. What does it mean for me to be "faithful" right now?

Yet, even despite many times of unfaithfulness, willfullness and outright sin, God has been so merciful, so gracious, so patient, so kind. Should i seriously consider "converting?" Or do i stay where i am and "work from within?" God knows. Trusting him and what he knows and what he desires should be enough. Yet there is knowledge on my part that is needed. How do i know what to trust God for? How do i know what i can trust God for?

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord.

Sacrifice & Love

If we are to make any progress, if we are to grow up at all, if we are to become what God has created us to be, we must learn to sacrifice. Sacrifice is the mark of the one who is mature. Personal sacrifice is the characteristic of the soul that has learned that exaltation of self is death.

Sacrifice is the nature of love. There must be a willingness for a person to sacrifice self for the welfare of another if love is to be manifested. Feelings alone are insufficient. Intentions alone are shallow. Desire only goes so far. Apart from sacrifice there is no real love. Apart from sacrifice there is no maturity.

Love - genuine care and concern for the true welfare of another with a resolute committment to giving up anything and everything that might hinder that committment - is the hallmark of maturity, of perfection, of true godliness.

Look at Jesus.

Suffering

Polycarp had a dream that he would be burned. After his arrest, he was eventually executed by burning. He, however, told his captors that he did not need to be nailed because God would enable him to withstand. Indeed, God did. They simply tied his hands behind his back.

My sufferings - if they can be called that - are so minor compared to what some of these men and women of the early Church endured. Even now, many Christians in China and in other places suffer yet they gladly (yes, quite literally with gladness and joy) give their lives away.

"I want to know Christ... sharing in his sufferings..." Or do i? Perhaps i should give up everything here and move to China to be discipled.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Seeking Ernest Lee

My soul clings to Thee
Thy right hand upholds me
O God, Thou are my God
And I shall seek Thee earnestly


Some years ago i wrote music to go with Psalm 63. I used the above verses as the refrain. My wife, however, makes fun of it. She says, "Why do you keep looking for Ernest Lee?"

Cute...

Changing The Consequences

In a brief conversation with a friend recently, i expressed my concern over someone i care about deeply. This person, i said, is basically a very depressed individual. But there is a good reason why she is depressed... one over which that she actually has some control. She keeps making bad decisions (the definition of which is decisions that have consequences that ultimately are "unhealthy" for her and for others) yet attempts to either make excuses or manipulate the circumstances so that the consequences will be more to her liking. Of course, she ends up frustrated and angry often turning those emotions inward with no resolution because the consequences are no better and maybe even worse than before.

It seems to me that this is one of the key issues for every human being. If you don't like the consequences to your choices, the thing to do is to make different choies.

Part of the definition of "growing up" is learning that there are consequences to the way you behave and that you then choose your behavior based on the desired consequences. In other words a person must learn to think of the end in order to begin.

The key to all this is faith! But real faith is not really blind. Real faith is based on real evidence that leads to realistic conclusions despite what may or may not seem "obvious" at the moment. Real faith takes into consideration those things that are real although they are unseen. Real faith considers the eternal. Real faith considers the divine. Blind faith is blind to those things.

One famous, anonymous writer wrote: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." In this case, "hope" is not about deep desire but about real expectation. I can jump off the roof of my house and desire to float safely to the ground... but that's not what i expect. There are sound reasons for the expectation. There are not sound reasons to expect my desire.

The objective in all this is to have realistic expectations, information that goes beyond my experience and the sensual knowledge available to me. There is information needed that must come from outside myself and there must be reason to believe that information is reliable. In other words, if i want to make choices that are consistent with the consequences i prefer, then i must have Truth. It is in making choices according to Truth that we are able to live lives that are truly good even if they are incredibly hard lives. There must be a way to find and live that Truth.

Jesus Christ said, "I am the way, the truth and the life..." Only by faith in Christ can we make the decisions that choose our behavior that lead to the consequences we long for.

How Can We Know?

I'm really wondering, now, how it is that we can know that we are following God's lead.

In a little more than a month, i will be finished with my ministry at Mount Pleasant BIC Church. It seems to me that amidst my own feelings and perceptions, other people's encouragements and discouragements and the words and promptings of my wife, that I/we have sensed God's leading rightly out of pastoral ministry - at least for the time being. But what are supposed to head FOR?

It's not that I'm afraid. God has promised, if we will trust him, to lead us to the things he has ordained for us. Because of God's great love, proven in the sacrifice of Christ, I'm not concerned as to what God might have for us. But how can i be sure that i won't miss what he has decreed?

Yet I should know by know that at least part of what it means to trust God is that I can trust him to lead me through the dark alleys. Through Isaiah the prophet, God said, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." (Is. 42:16) I have experienced this, but there has always been, and is even now, some trepidation. There are so many what-abouts and what-ifs. Yet even in the past couple of weeks, when i was anxious about something else, did not God provide? Of course he did!! So why this anxiety within me?

This is the question the Psalmist asked twice in Psalm 43 - "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and
my God." He poured out his complaint to God but, in the process, reminded himself of God's great faithfulness, of His gracious care. In a sense, he asks the question the apostle Paul asks, "If God is forus, who can be against us?" (Rom 8:31)

So here is my peace, my rest. Now i must trust God to work it in my wife. Her anxiety is beginning to rise. How do i not let her anxiety cause me anxiety? How do i "trust God" for her?

I ask, O Lord, that you send your Spirit to call to me constantly so that i may not wander far from you. You are my... you are our life and hope, our security and provision.